Before it is announced where the second season of the Jersey Shore is going to take place, I’d like to suggest a possible new locale for the show.
They need a place offering a host of different bars. They’ll also require a gym, somewhere to tan and a Laundromat. The show might not need a literal boardwalk, but they will require a corny place to walk around, like an historic Broadway. Ultimately, though, they need a destination with an intangible element that creates a mystical aura as if anything could happen and it probably will. Obviously I’m talking about Saratoga Springs in the summer, bro.
Admittedly the show would probably have a different feel in this environment, but that’s fine. Season two would be one part The Simple Life, one part My Cousin Vinny, a dash of Rodney Dangerfield’s misfit behavior in Caddyshack and a pinch of MTV’s Spring Break.
I can’t be the only one who wants to see what these oddities would do at the racetrack. To conform to the dress code in the boxes I could see “The Situation” wearing a white blazer with no shirt and a pair of rip-away pants from his stripping days. Inevitably Snookie would be emboldened by her jockey-like stature to mount a horse and go for a ride, while lamenting the fact that her horse face scares away riders. Because of “J-Woww’s” inclination to find gorilla juiceheads, racing officials will see if those skills apply to other animals as they utilize her ability to sniff out the racehorses using steroids.
It would be compelling television to see this cast hobnobbing at a Whitney gala, tailgating before a SPAC concert, spoiling themselves with a spa day or interacting with real Italians at Chianti Il Ristorante before they motivate a defamation lawsuit.
It’s the night life of Saratoga Springs where these people would really thrive and come alive. The crew would start at Thirteen, because early in the night the dance floor isn’t crowded and this would ensure that they could safely bang the beat without beating locals. From there the possibilities would be limitless.
Most likely Pauly D and “The Situation” would creep after some girls heading into The Tin and Lint, especially because the crowd there skews younger like these ageless wonders like it. From there they would lead a parade back to their rented house on Union Ave., but would get sidetracked in Congress Park after trying to catch a live duck they mistake for a relative of their phone from their Jersey Shore house.
Ronnie and Sammi would definitely bail on the group early in the night after devouring cheese fries from Hot Dog Charlie’s and verbally antagonizing each other after one of them compares the other to a horse. There is also the possibility that Ronnie would be inclined to fight hipsters from The Putnam Dead or tourist guidos at The City Tavern.
Vinny would chase an older woman into Desperate Annie’s, and he would end up staying the night with her. In the morning she would cook him breakfast and then adopt him, thus fulfilling his definitive sexual fantasy.
“Snookie” and “J-Woww” would set up camp on the fourth floor of The City Tavern, where they would command the dance floor before being arrested for violating decency standards that exist everywhere in the world besides Caligula’s Rome and the Jersey Shore.
This night doesn’t even represent the true potential of the cast, as this theoretical whirlwind would be tantamount to their weeknight endeavors. I can’t imagine what this group could do on Caroline Street during Travers, but I can only theorize that it would be a situation.
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