In the wake of a debate about Kristen Stewart’s film personality and after being accused of having a type, I’ve been thinking about female actors and the roles they play. (My brain doesn’t follow a normal progression.) Specifically, my thoughts have been revolving around the female personas that I become enamored with after watching them for about two hours. (That sounds creepier than I intended. You get that I’m not stalking actresses, right?) Anyway, I have a penchant for falling in love every time I go to the cinema.
I’m no studio sellout, though, as I have no patience for the work of Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johannson, Julia Roberts, Megan Fox, Katherine Heigel, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate a pretty face, since I’m still prone to the same shallow urges that dominate most men. However in my case personality plays a huge role in the characters, which is why I wanted to explore the archetypes I’m drawn to.
The best way to approach this task is by eliminating the stereotypes that drive me crazy.
1. The Girl Who Doesn’t Need a Man to be Happy.
• This is a reasonable attitude, if it is applied reasonably. Ultimately it becomes the basis for a caricature of the working woman, who devolves into nothing more than a bitch. She’s got an unnecessarily hard outer shell that ends up cracking for no reason, and as an audience we’re supposed to coo with delight over the fact that a man has shown her what she’s been missing. I’m sorry, but that seems like the brainchild of an idiot guy that had a negative encounter with a woman who he deemed, “needed to get laid.” Only a man could conceive a character that is this simple, uninteresting and unappealing to a male looking for someone he can have an emotional connection to.
(Editor’s Note: This blog has not been hijacked by a girl. It is in fact the odd sensibilities of a 22 year old who obviously received feminine hormone injections and is therefore offering a skewed perception that most men would reject.)
Examples: Julia Stiles in 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (with the caveat that her demeanor stemmed from a bad encounter with a boy earlier in life)
2. The Girl Looking for a Man to Complete Her
•
The only thing as bad as a woman who adamantly denies a man in her life is the woman who believes she can’t live without a man. These ladies typically have a desire for a baby, a fear of dying alone or have an overly romantic view of marriage. While representing a more realistic depiction of women, these traits become even less attractive when blown up on a gigantic screen. Examples: Kirsten Davis in SEX AND THE CITY (before she met Harry); Katherine Heigel in UGLY TRUTH; Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movies
3. The Girl With No Self-Esteem
• While no guy wants to be dominated by a bossy control freak (ok, it’s kind of hot), we do want a girl who has a back bone. A woman who can’t stand up for herself can never be an equal partner in a relationship, let alone be interesting enough to hold a conversation with.
Examples: Renee Zellweger in JERRY MAGUIRE
4. The Girl With the superfluous WTF attitude
• This character is reminiscent of my favorite type, except their demeanor is akin to James Dean’s annoying approach: What are you rebelling against? “What do you got?” These ladies won’t change for anyone, which is admirable, except for the fact that they go out of their way to be cantankerous.
Examples: Bridget Wilson in LOVE STINKS (no one saw this movie. French Stewart, the weirdest guy from 3rd Rock From the Sun, plays the love interest)
5. The crazy and annoying girl. (Self Explanatory)
Example: Anna Faris in JUST FRIENDS and Selma Blair in CRUEL INTENTIONS
6. The self-righteous girl
• This is essentially reserved for Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls and Reese Witherspoon in Cruel Intentions. Their holier than thou outlooks, and their eventual transitions, drove me up the wall crazy. Lohan in particular was painful to watch, since she ended up being the opposite of her character.
Ok, so at this point I feel like I’ve documented enough of the types I hate. Plus, I’ve probably alienated all my women readers and have had my blogging rights revoked, so I guess I’ll move on to what I do like. To be fair, I should also admit that this next part really just describes the composite character I would want to date, so if you fall into this description and want to start sluming it, I’M IN!
So my composite dream character has these qualities: Steely resolve and a soft side; witty repartee and soft spoken; ebullient and reserved; grounded and prone to flights of fancy; whimsical and contemplative; not too serious and not fake.
Now that I’ve finished my list of contradictions, let me explain. The perfect female character walks a very fine tightrope, with one wrong step being perilous.
Oh my god, this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever written. How about I just give a list of female characters I like and we forget this ever happened? (I would just trash this whole thing, but it took me a while. Doesn’t say too much about me as a writer or a person…)
Here’s the list: Kristen Stewart in ADVENTURELAND;
Elizabeth Mitchell on LOST; Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Meryl Streep in JULIE AND JULIA; Cameron Diaz in THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY; Carey Mulligan in AN EDUCATION; Mary Louise Parker in THE WEST WING; Natalie Portman in anything where she’s herself; Uma Thurman in BEAUTIFUL GIRLS; Ellen Page in JUNONow that this is over, can we pretend it never happened?
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