All Candidates Must Be Amphibious

It’s been a while since I watched LOST, so I’m not sure what’s been going on lately. If I remember correctly, Gilligan and the Skipper were trying to use the Professor’s coconut phone to contact Widmore on the submarine. It was either that or Johnny Cash was battling philosopher John Locke about an inherent right to property in the sideways reality.
Ok, so I’m kidding, but it feels like a lifetime ago that I watched LOST. Tonight I’m hoping for the huge collision of events in the flashsideways world that I anticipated last week. And with that, let’s begin this live journal…
(Editor’s Note: This style has been met with mixed reviews so far, in so much as Dave likes it and his friend Casey thinks it sucks. Will others please voice their feelings about the current style of LOST posts.)
• So based on the last second of DWTS, it appears that Pamela Anderson is going home. This should mean nothing to me, except that I watch some entertainment show at the YMCA and she has appeared on it in their DWTS coverage. As a male, I appreciate seeing her, um, face pop up on this show.
• Jack loves Dural Sacs. He loves cutting them on purpose, cutting them by accident and sometimes even fixing them. Speaking of fixing, he seems pretty adamant about living up to the “Mr. Fix It” mug that David got him in the sideways world. Too bad he never got the “#1 Follower” mug.
• I love the dry humor of Zombie Sayid. He’d probably want me to suggest that Sawyer get in the cage immediately, as it’s a huge turn on for Kate. Actually, maybe she’d like wearing cuffs and sex in cages because she’s into bondage! I’d say she’s super kinky, except I assume sex with Jack is missionary style with shirts on and the lights off. In case you were wondering, with Hurley there is a large emphasis on incorporating food into the foreplay and the actual event.
• Really thought Bernard would suggest a threeway with Jack after he called him on his flirting during the flight. I like how zen Bernard has been ever since he came out of the woods in season five sporting his beard, and I’m happy it continues in the sideways world.
• Man in Locke (MiL): “You know I would ask him, except I don’t think he’s going to give me a straight answer.” Would it be too soon into this dynamic to assume MiL and Sayid could make a hilarious interracial buddy cop movie? Maybe team up with Ford and Miles?
• MiL’s insistence on incorporating Jack and the other candidates into his escape plan is fascinating. I can’t tell whether he actually needs them to leave with him or whether he has more nefarious plans. I’m inclined to believe he needs them dead, except that he could have picked them off one at a time. With that caveat my guess is a third option. While we’re on big picture questions, I’m still stuck on why Kate’s name was crossed off. In the vein of what makes this one different from the rest, we can forget about her leaving the island or not meeting Jacob. I think it has to do with some failed test, like taking Aaron or failing to heed Jacob’s advice from her childhood.
• Anyone else feel shades of Jurassic Park when the power goes off on the fence? We’ve got cages and a threat that now can’t be contained. In the immortal words of Samuel L. Jackson’s character from that movie, “Hold on to your butts.”
• Hugo: “And we’re dead.” Is this a drama or a comedy? Chop it down to half an hour and it should run with Modern Family.
• So we now have all the camps combined and Jack seemingly destined to take on the role of Island Protector, except it’s not that simple. First of all, we’ve got Richard, Miles and Ben wandering in the jungle. Additionally, Jack is going to get some sign to stop MiL. And oh yeah, Lapidous hasn’t kicked ass or taken names yet, although he seemed poise to kick his way out of the cage.
• It’s nice to finally see the effect of bullets on MiL. Also, I loved the ramp onto the plane. I think this will eventually part of the LOST theme park in Disney. The cages will be for adults only…
• In the continuation of the season four themes, the plane is totally wired to explode in something akin to the freighter. MiL’s cavalier transportation of the C-4 is also reminiscent of the original Locke, who loved explosives. He loved blowing up hatches, submarines and people’s dreams. I miss that guy. MiL’s man cans just don’t bounce and jiggle with the same natural rhythm and buoyancy. At least Sawyer is still conning people, since I firmly believe his reaffirmation oath to MiL was total crap … and now we’re seeing that play out with his “get it in the water” plan.
• I would like to burn down every Macys that I run across after seeing this terrible advertisement about their jewelry. Wait, I DVR’d this. Why am I watching commercials?
• I’m for letting MiL get off the island if it means the end of Grey’s Anatomy.
• What’s this “Mr. Locke” and “Miss. Littleton” stuff in the sideways world? Everyone gets one name, duh. He’s Locke, she’s Claire, you’re Jack and everyone else gets a nickname from Sawyer.
• MMMMM… An Apollo bar. I really could go for a fictional candy right now.
• Is this the first time we’ve confirmed how Jack’s dad died? I can’t remember learning about the actual cause in the normal reality. I’m doubtful of these supposed circumstances. I smell foul play. I smell the bare footed, unwashed clothes scent of Jacob.
• At this point in the sideways world, I think it would be easier to discover who wasn’t on OCEANIC 815.
• Not sure what I’m looking for in Claire’s mirror. They didn’t seem to flash on anything and I didn’t notice anything. Maybe she’s supposed to use it for her monster calves, as a sign that her high socks and kankles will never woo a man like Charlie Pace.
• If Lapidous was ever going to die, it seems like now is a good possibility. Definitely a good move sending in Hurley with the strike force on the submarine. What was with the backpack move by MiL?
• Love that Kate got shot and the possibilities of that. Can’t believe Jack didn’t catch a bullet when he turned in rage mode and began firing shots without any attempt to seek cover. A little disturbed by MiL’s gun working after going in the water. Felt genuinely bad for Claire as she saw the submarine dive. And oh yeah, why is MiL so calm? Maybe it has something to do with those backpack shenanigans…Based on the bomb in the backpack, I’d say yes.
• Jack seems to think this was MiL’s plan all along. I’m inclined to agree, except I wonder why he planned it in this fashion. What is the meaning to this group death? If it’s all about subverting Jacob’s will, why did he create a scenario that was so dangerous for his plans.
• First thing is first with a bomb, “does anyone have something we can freeze it with?” No. Second thing is to hope Jacob won’t let it explode, like on the BLACK ROCK. Third thing is to miraculously survive like when the hatch blew up. Love that Jack has opted for choice two. I like that for the first time he is reasoning things out with some sort of vision of the big picture. I feel really dumb that he is connecting the dots faster than me. Based on that ghost kid’s reiteration of rule I think Jack is right, and now I need to take a shower because I feel dirty saying that. Too bad his skills of persuasion are as lackluster as ever.
• Everyone calm down! Can’t Hurley float the entire submarine????Also, shouldn’t Mikhail be floating in the water????
(Editor’s Note: At this point Dave began crying way too much to take any notes. The rest of the show, post-explosion will be documented in the traditional style of his blog. It will include his immediate emotions and thoughts. More will be following after this monumental episode of LOST)