Welcome to the beginning of the end for V

The original version of V was a miniseries. It gave us the interesting dynamic we're presented with in the current version, and conveniently wrapped it all up in short order. Unfortunately the latest version doesn't enjoy the same format, and as a result it needs to become a large sprawling serialized drama.
You know what doesn't work, with one exception? Expansive shows with the scope of LOST on network television, except for LOST. So Sorry V, but this show just doesn't work. As a result its future is in jeopardy, with its second season seeming doubtful at this point.
So why is V a failure? Let's deal jut with the most recent episode, titled "Welcome to the War," and examine its shortcomings.
Last night's episode represented a jump starting of the show in the wake of an extended layoff after the first four episodes. That first volume ended with a nice enough climax, and it set the stage for a more developed show. WELCOME to the WAR tries to build on that momentum by establishing the groundwork for a showdown between the Visitors and The Resistance.
The failure stems from the fact that what I'm watching is about as interesting as watching a bad chess game. We're seeing pieces get moved around, but ultimately I care as much as if I was just watching pawns.
I hate to compare the show to LOST, but that's what it is emulating in terms of the narrative, so that's what it will get. On LOST you are presented with conniving and complicated villains to go up against inventive and courageous heroes. This rapport is quite captivating, as it keeps us on our toes. Additionally, the characters are three dimensional and it provide actual meaning.
Now let's examine how V has failed to capture that same magic with the Priest character. He is overtly complicated, but ultimately just a caricature of something we might find on LOST. The real shame, though, is that Joel Gretsch is a good actor and is wasted in this role.
Speaking of wasted actors, let's address the biggest travesty, which is the utilization of Elizabeth Mitchell. Her Jack Bauer impersonation has been wearing on me since the Visitors arrived. I love Mitchell from her time as Juliet. In that role she created one of the most mischievous, beloved and quixotic character in recent memories, but now she's been relegated to playing two stereotypical roles: The renegade cop and the mom trying to get her kid back. Why didn't they just break it into two parts and let Keifer Sutherland play one and Charlize Theron take over the other?
Her kid on the show is also one of the most annoying characters in television history, and at this point is beyond redemption.
Anyway, the only mildly interesting characters are played by Morris Chestnut and Scott Wolf. Chestnut does a great job portraying the conflicted soul, who has a foot in each camp and simply wants to live his life in peace with the woman he loves. Contained in that desire is the capacity to utilize his alien skills and go kill people like it's his job. He is tough, sensitive and the only hero i would turn to.
As for Wolf, his character's back story is pretty ridiculous, but he does seem to have all the brain power on the show. He understands the game, and can actually play it without revealing all his cards. Not sold on him yet, as he is still a little too smitten with Anna.
Speaking of Anna, she is such a bore. What a ho-hum villain. Oh no, she eats the head up the guy who fertilized her eggs. Seen it on Buffy the Vampire slayer. Oh no, she's going to inject the humans. The Others have been injecting and poisoning people for years on LOST. Oh no, she's got a ruthless sidekick. Oh wait, he's not ruthless and he basically sucks.
In a show where the stakes are supposedly so large and i should actually care, i find myself generally apathetic about what's going on. Oh no, the Visitors are going to kill us! What else is knew? Maybe I'd care if we had some consequences. Right now I'm just seeing a buildup that isn't interesting, since all we have is the rising action. There's no character development or extraneous stories to follow. V can't go at this break neck pace if it wants to retain my interest, unless it decides to become a version of 24.
My advice to V would be slow down and give me a reason to care if these people die. Right now I basically hate all the humans and hope they die. I'm worried, though, that the show can't slow down at this point and is heading for a cliff it's doomed to dive into.
All of this contributes to make V almost unwatchable. What are your thoughts?

Special Delivery

Tonight i celebrated the story of Exodus, and not just because it was Passover. Every Tuesday I enjoy an Exodus-esque story on LOST, as a multitude of characters plan their escape.
Tonight's short lived escape to freedom was mounted by Jin, who planned on using his autonomy to find his wife. Unfortunately Zoey, Widmore's Geophysicist had other plans for him and she kidnapped him during his breakaway.
But let's slow down a second and address Jin's situation while at camp MiL. His leg has not yet healed since his run in with one of Claire's traps. After MiL told Jin to let the wound breathe, it dawned on me that maybe Jin isn't recuperating quickly because Jacob is dead. If we assume that's the case, what other ramifications stem from his death????
In flashsideways world Jin appeared to be a 100%, even if his wallet was a little light after leaving customs. Oh yeah, he also didn't have a wedding ring, even if he did have the love of a good woman in Sun.
I really enjoyed the flashsideways story, which included a bunch of fun twists and a comment about fate that i find more than a little discouraging.
The realization that Sun and Jin weren't married wasn't too mind blowing in the wake of the revelation that they were still in love. I think this fact helps reinforce the idea that the flashsideways offer us a perspective of our heroes in different situations, but with the same principles and personality. They might seem different, but much of that stems from their experiences.
Anyway, it appears that Sun "no english" for real real this time. This would make sense considering she learned English to run away from Jin, whereas in this instance she's running away with Jin.
I was happy to get a reminder that Sun is still the hottest original cast member on the show, even in her flashsideways. The flashsideways provided further evidence that she has a slamming body, putting her miles ahead of Kate, Claire and Rose. Shannon may or may not be in the running, but I think personality counts, which is why Sun gets the nod.
When Sun was admiring her slamming body in the mirror we got another taste of the deja vu phenomenon, as she stared a little too long at her appearance before letting in Mr. Keamy.
I was so happy to have Martin Keamy back in my life, even though i thought he was gone forever. THen, when he got teamed up with a fully equipped Mikhail (as in both eyes) I nearly lost it. I don't know if there are two more sinister characters that I miss more than these two guys. I'm advocating for another flashworld, which will be a spinoff where Keamy and Mikhail are criminals being chased by Miles and Sawyer.
I mean c'mon, that's good stuff. Keamy can be the illusive crime syndicate leader, with Mikhail as his number two. James forms a task force to hunt him down. Carlton Cuse already did Nash Bridges and Martial Law, so i know he has the background to pull this off. If it takes a hydrogen bomb to make this happen i'll blow one up.
Anyway, some crap happens and during this Keamy confides in Jin that "some people just aren't meant to be together." (He also says something else before that probably isn't important, but it doesn't matter since it is indecipherable as a result of his Christopher Walken impersonation.)
I found this statement to be particularly troubling, since whenever there are references to the strength of fate they usually are true. This reality was made ever more clear during this episode with the realization that Eloise's assertion that the island wasn't done with Desmond, was actually true. (But we'll come back to that.)
I'm inclined to reject the idea that we'll be denied a reunion by Jin and Sun. I don't think it will come easy, though. I think Jacob's comments at their wedding, about how their love was special and that they shouldn't take it for granted, offer hope that there really is a special bond that they can ultimately fight to preserve.
Maybe that's just the optimist in me, and i'm completely wrong. All the roadblocks being thrown in their way really could be fate correcting itself to ensure they end up apart, but i either don't believe or don't want to believe this notion.
The final thing i took away from the flashsideways was that Sayid's attitude reflected his current standing on the island. On the island he can't feel anything, and Sideways Sayid finds Jin and merely says: "don’t know why you’re here, and I don’t really care.” That leads me to believe he has lost his grip on his humanity after killing Keamy and his man. Sort of a tragedy, but it does speak to the fate aspect and how Sayid was destined to head down this road. But maybe not. Maybe while Nadia is alive there is hope for Sideways Sayid.
Unfortunately the same can't be sad about island Sayid, who is now MiL's number two and is put in charge of the camp while MiL goes off to court Sun. As the temporary head honcho Sayid oversaw the kidnapping of Jin, as Whitmore's Warriors (WW) zapped all of MiL's crew. This scene proved that Sayid can still feel, if only the darts that are used to knock him out.
There was one major error during this scene, and it came when one of the WW's referred to Jin as "the guy." What's the problem with that? Jin isn't some guy. Jin is THE MAN. I think more respect needs to be assigned to Jin, who is the most underrated badass on the show. This guy would kill anyone on the island to reunite with Sun.
It was fun to watch Jin's encounter with Whitmore. When Whitmore warned Jin about the perils of MiL escaping, specifically the ceasing to be part, i wondered if that might be the catalyst for the flashsideways. I know we're supposed to believe they originated from the Incident, but i'm not rejecting the idea that the flashsideways are the resolution of the show, which could come from MiL escaping the island.
Whitmore's best showdown, though, was with MiL, who took a boat over to Hydra island. The exchange gave me goose bumps. THe highlight was when Whitmore said his knowledge about smokey was a "combination of myth, ghost stories and jungle noises in the night.”
Not it appears that Whitmore has combined his hodgepodge of knowledge to come to the conclusion that Desmond is his way to stop Smokey. Oh yeah, did i not mention that Desmond was the guy in the room? I think we all knew that was coming, as there wasn't any other reasonable answer. The more interesting question, is whether Whitmore has brought with him the person that Jacob was anticipating. I'm inclined to believe yes, since there isn't a more reasonable answer.
Back on the main island MiL gave Claire the go ahead to kill Kate when her job was done. Sun put her faith back in Jack and Miles uttered the funniest line of the night about Hurley: “Unless Alpert’s covered in bacon grease I’m not sure Hurley can track anything."
Before i wrap things up I want to review Sun's mindset between her run in with MiL and her eventual decision to join team Alpert. She was reluctant to embrace the candidate hypothesis, and I think that was because the people who believe the validity of the candidate theory are the people who want to believe it. Or more accurately, the people who need to believe it.
James Ford rejected the theory, primarily because he just doesn't care. In losing Juliet he lost any reason to want to defend something, which makes him like the anti-candidate.
Jack on the other hand is a perfect candidate, because he is constantly grasping for meaning to an otherwise meaningless life. Off the island it was about fixing everything as a surgeon and on the island it manifested itself in his decision to lead. His inherent desire can't be quelled. Now as a potntial candidate he can be in the full-time business of fixing things.
This might not have been the case if he could have made things work with Kate. This little family with Aaron would have given him a purpose and let him relax.
I think Sun and Jin found this peace when they rediscovered their love on the island. Because of that, they don't see the appeal of being a candidate. That's why Sun balks at destroying the plan, and will ultimately only accompany them when Jack promises to reunite her with Jin.
Before I close this ridiculously long post, I want to air my fear that Desmond will die in the next episode. It is titled Happily Ever After, and I'm worried that this will only be his fate in the flashsideways. When the island is done with Desmond, I think he might be done for good.
What are your thoughts?

Semi-Famous people on display

Hi, my name is David Lombardo and I'm a tv snob. Ever since I discovered the limits being pushed on Cable i've basically abandoned network television, which is primarily the refuge of mainstream dribble and reality television. I scoffed at Survivor and Two and a Half men. I thumb my nose at DWTS and Castle. I poo-pooed Law & Order and, uh, secretly watched Celebrity Apprentice...
Yeah, it's true. One of my guilty pleasures, along with reruns of Gilmore Girls, is NBC's Celebrity Apprentice with Donald Trump.
Before I say why i watch this show, which primarily revolves around my excess of free time, let me explain what i hate about this show.
The boardroom scenes are simply unbearable, mostly because Donald Trump is an insufferable human being. My grandfather enjoys these scenes, as he likes watching the Donald operate.
For me the scenes in the boardroom are an odd combination of self-promotion by the Donald, insane reasoning and god awful persuasive tactics. None of it matters, though, since ultimately the less famous person will be scapegoated. That's how it was with Carol Leiffer? Who is Carol Leiffer? Exactly.
The contestants are so inarticulate that they simply aren't capable of adequately pleading their case. What's worse is that they can't point out the weakest link. Each week it's the same thing, as no one wants to "throw anyone under the bus." Is it really throwing someone under the bus if they're already operating as a speed bump that's impeding the team's progress? I think not.
But let's get to what i like about this show, which is quasi-celebrities are or tainted famous people who are forced to do demeaning tasks. The joy i get out of all this varies from character to character, but this season the standout has been the work of former governor Rod Blagoveich (maybe that's right, i don't care.). His utter incompetence borders on the retarded. So far he has been unable to turn on a computer and uttered the phrase, "premature ejaculation." Besides that, he also can't string a cohesive thought together.
I'm also a huge fan of the women, specifically the victoria secret's model, the WEE Diva and Summer Sanders. Oh how i love Summer Sanders. She's got brains, beauty and brawn. Plus she rocks a pantsuit so convincingly that i think she could have won the 2008 Democratic nomination for president.
There's also the best new odd couple/possible buddy cop duo in Brett Michaels and Michael Johnson. Their styles contrast so beautifully that Johnson will probably end up murdering Michaels in the finale, which may or may not be a fireable offense. THe Donald is unpredictable, and might just reward the effort. Michaels is a loose cannon on this show, who has more mood swings than a mood ring.
I wish i could articulate my feelings about this better, but it mostly comes down to the voyeurism aspect. It's fun to watch famous people in a reasonably unfettered manner.
There's also the self-reaffirming aspect, which allows me to feel important as celebrities fail to complete mind numbingly easy tasks. I choose to avoid the fact that these people are rich and famous regardless of the fact they're probably illiterate for the most part.
So if you've got time to kill, or find yourself wasting your viewing hours on subpar reality television you should try Celebrity Apprentice.

Don't start the party without me, but please organize it

(Editor's Note: This column also appears in THE SARATOGIAN's online section, THE SCENE, but without pictures.)
During the latter half of my junior year in high school it dawned on me that my resume for college resembled my love life: it lacked recommendations, was sparsely filled and didn’t impress anyone.
Since college was in my future I got proactive, and announced my campaign for senior class president. The office would put a shine on my resume, require only a modicum of effort and presumably be a breeze if I avoided a sex scandal, which I would have encouraged at that point in my life.

Following a whirlwind campaign I bested four challengers and as president during my senior year oversaw a winning float, coached the Powderpuff football team to victory, “organized” the prom and spoke at graduation. In the aftermath of my tenure I was content with my performance, and besides a mock reelection campaign I tried to get my brother to orchestrate, was ready to move on and forget the pressures of command.

Except I wasn’t able to just walk away. Five years later, when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in.

In this case the “they” are my classmates, who have recently been berating me about our upcoming five-year reunion. (That’s a little misleading, since “upcoming” would imply that someone is dutifully working on something for the summer.)

When I was president it had been suggested to me that in the future it would be my responsibility to organize reunions, but I assumed someone more responsible would seize the reins or that this possibility was just a ruse to spur my resignation in lieu of a coup d’état.

To be honest, in the past I was excited about a future reunion, albeit one that wouldn’t require me to do anything except show up. My enthusiasm stemmed from a romanticized view of high school that developed far too early and led me to believe a reunion would be a magical experience akin to the false promise of prom, homecoming and every other instance where I thought I might get laid.

My mom suggested assembling a task force to tackle the reunion challenge. Others suggested approaching the school about securing funds that were supposedly put aside for this occasion. Someone else said, “Reunions suck, and I don’t know who you are, so leave my house or I’m calling the police.” So now I’m like a rudderless ship adrift at sea, with no destination in mind and no idea how to get there even if I did. A lighthouse of sorts did it present itself in the form of a chance encounter with one of my classmates, which led me to believe I should organize a reunion, but that positive experience was offset by the gut wrenching awkwardness of another random run-in the next night.

Regardless of whether I want to have a reunion, the tedious work involved is stifling my desire and serving as an overwhelming deterrent. For that reason I’ll probably just treat this high school reunion like a high school homework assignment, in that I’ll wait until the last second and hope things come together. Either that or I’ll hope for a snow day.

Time runs out on 24

With the recent announcement that this will be the last year of 24, I've decided to provide my second update on this season. But first, I just want to say how glad I am that 24 is finally getting pulled from the air. I've wasted too much time on this show already, and once i see the movie it will be out of my life forever.
(Editor's Note: David is just jealous of Kiefer Southerland, who has overcome his height disability to reach great stature.)
This season of 24 has been relatively ho hum compared to other seasons, as it has followed a comparatively reasonable progression of events. Maybe that's not fair, though, since it's possible i've just been desensitized by the previous seasons. We have had an explosion at CTU, a knifing, an assassination attempt and multiple seasons where Kim Bauer wasn't in inane life threatening jeopardy. Ok, that last one is sort of strange...
My prevailing feels about this season center on Freddy Prinze and Katee Sackhoff. I had contrasting feelings about these two new players initially, as i felt fondly about the latter and was pessimistic about the former. Who would have thought that bad ass Sackhoff would ultimately be relegated to the pointless CTU storyline? I figured she'd leave the headquarters and pick up a gun. Recently there has been an encouraging sign in the form of the revelation that she's a double agent. Hopefully this twist will liven up her character and give this talented actress something more to do then just fretting about her fiance and her secret life.
Sackhoff was a great heroine in Battlestar Galactica and was a surprisingly captivating villain in the Bionic Woman remake, so I really do expect more from her. Most of the problem stems from the situations she's been, which i fear will soon lead to her being trapped as they hunt for the mole within CTU. That's a real shame, because again, i think it will deny her the chance to run around New York City with a gun yelling "frak you!" (Oh how i miss you BSG. Caprica just doesn't hit the spot.)
Prinze Jr. has also been a surprise, albeit a positive one. The only problem is his terrible accent, which is distracting and belongs on a call-in radio show. Aside from that, his straight arrow routine has been enjoyable. He's no Curtis, but he's better than the annoying Chase. (Speaking of Chase, you can watch him on The Pacific, where he's great.)
My problems with this season stem from the fact that I don't find it very exciting. It's all so formulaic and uninteresting as a result. We know that by the 24th hour things will be resolved, so everything else is just filler material until the final climax. That's why i don't care about these menial climaxes that are assigned so much importance in the moment, but ultimately are inconsequential.
The one constant enjoyment is Chloe, who is the primary reason for watching this show.
In a great example of the cream rising to the top she has basically ascended to the top of CTU, to the point where the Chief lets her hold up NSA agents at gun points until she gets her way. Plus there's all the Chloeisms that define her character, such as her inability to take a compliment.
For me the show has become a snooze fest and is nothing more than background noise, which i only pay attention to when it becomes loud, because i know it's telling me something important is happening.
The only thing i can look forward to is Renee and Jack teaming up again, with Prinze Jr. nipping at their heels close behind. This threesome creates the possibility for a tragic death, presumably of Renee, who we now know means something to Jack and therefore creates the possibility of gut wrenching pain for him. Woo!
Anyway, i feel like i've wasted too much of the clock writing about this season. What's impressive about this recap is that i haven't actually provided any details about what's actually going on. I did this because like 24 itself, the details don't matter yet.

New Moon same as the old moon

Let's get the easy part out of the way first, which is that NEW MOON, as a movie, sucks. It's not good. Kristen Stewart's Bella is a strung out heroin addict with more nervous twitches than Kristen Stewart in Adventureland. Much like the teenage drama they're trying to capture, the whole movie feels fake and meaningless. The movie relies heavily on in your face foreshadowing and the story prods along with all the grace of a drunk Clydesdale. The dialogue is tossed back and forth with awkwardness on par with arm amputees trying to play catch. The plot itself is filled with so many holes I'm worried that Bella will begin jumping down them to chase her adrenaline needs.
Basically what I'm saying is that this movie is embarrassingly bad. There is nothing cinematically redeeming about this movie at all. It feels like a series of music videos awkwardly spliced together to drive women wild, and it probably succeeds.
After acknowledging all of that, I would say that the TWILIGHT experience is positive. The trick is taking in the whole package, which includes the off the camera intrigue and the on screen hilarity (even if it is unintentional).
The best part of the movie is Jacob shirtless. His first of many scenes elicited an uproar from me and my male counterparts who had rented the movie. (Three guys and two girls were at the screening.) It's so much fun to root for him to take his shirt off and to wonder how many pairs of jean shorts he goes through in a month. Seriously, every time he changes a redneck cries as denim gets torn to shreds.
A close second in personal enjoyment is the "I'm dangerous. Stay Away, if you can" motif that dominates the movie. Jacob and Ed both want Bella, and while she wants them to want her, they put aside their feelings for her safety. Whenever they begin to explain their predicament I want to repeat John Locke's "don't tell me what i can't do" mantra, as the two are equally ridiculous.
I love that the movie's score and the mood music constantly drone out any dialogue. This signifies the relatively worthlessness of the words, which can be expressed by angry music, sad music, upbeat music (not in this movie) and I'm slitting my wrists in the bathtub movie. Oh yeah, did i not mention how depressing this movie is????
Maybe we're not supposed to laugh at Bella's pain, but I think she is the definition of a teenage drama queen. Her love is so fierce! Her pain is so real! Her dreams are so vivid, and if she wakes up her dad again she's going to Jacksonville. You're all going to Jacksonville to live with your mother! Unless you can stop acting so durn crazy.
Oh Charlie, how you make this movie so much better. Even if he was a deaf mute his mustache would out act Robert Pattinson, who has seen his acting prowess spiraling downward ever since his death as Cedric Diggory in the fourth Harry Potter movie. But Charlie doesn't hide behind his facial hair, he gives gifts and tells his daughter to bang Jacob.
Did I mention Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen are in this movie? No, well they are. Fanning has about nine lines in the movie, with one of them being the simple utterance of "pain." She still shines, though, as it was a real treat to see her in Kristen Dunst's role from INterviews with a Vampire. As for Sheen, he played his vampire with the complete opposite approach of Pattinson, as he turned his character into a campy villain suited for the 1960s live action Batman. He trounces around like Caesar Romero's Joker with the tongue tying cryptic lines of Frank Gorshin's Riddler.
I'd be remiss if i didn't mention Taylor's abs again. I'm now convinced that besides joining the army, the only other way i could get in great shape is if somebody offered me a role in a vampire movie with the caveat that my abs could grate cheese or clean your whites.
I'm honestly contemplating watching the next movie in theaters, but i wouldn't want to deny my friend the chance to watch the movie in a setting with me where i couldn't give my running commentary. It's not that I don't talk in the movies, it's just that the audience would probably be screaming over me.

More fun out of the Office

Last night episodes of PARKS AND RECREATIONS and THE OFFICE were pretty excellent, as both ventured well beyond the confines of their normal settings.
Let's begin with the biggest surprise, which was THE OFFICE being funny. I've really been down on the show this year. It's revolved too heavily around Jim and Pam, often cashing in solely on the mystique the show has built up during its tenure. Last night's episode was a return to the ensemble focus this show does so well. Even with Jim and Pam in the episode, they were just featured players and not the primary interest.
The best part of the episode was when Andy came clean about his burgeoning relationship with Erin, which led to him revealing that he's a Drama Queen. They are a very cute couple, and I like that they're not being shoved in our face. Their story is being revealed bit by bit in an addicting manner that leaves us always wanting more.
Much of last night's episode was about coupling. We had Phylis and Bob, which introduced new angles into their rowdy sex life. We got to further explore the dynamic of Kelly and Ryan, including their DDR cohesion. THe gorgeous Isabelle returned as Dwight's soul mate, with Angela trying her mightiest to worm her way into this threesome. Even Michael hit it off with Pam's friend, as Date Michael made moves with the Bar Manager. Finally, there was Matt and Oscar, which included validation for Michael's decision not to let Oscar play basketball in season 1.
The episode was good because it didn't force a storyline, but merely allowed the characters to develop naturally. The wackos on this show are so strange that all you have to do is create a strange scenario for them, and the comedy will essentially write itself. Last night's episode didn't push any agenda and let us just laugh. It felt good.
This is a lesson PARKS hasn't forgotten, as evidenced by another great episode. What really made this episode for me was that it gave everyone something to do and somewhere to shine, which is always the case. Tom in particular has been saddled with dumb stories lately, so it was nice to see his modeling dreams put into action from behind the lens.
The best part of the episode was the rapport of the Park Managers, which was some of the zaniest humor on television. As Ron Swanson, Nick Offerman put on a show simply by describing his hunger and eventually running toward the picnic. He has continuously been one of the strongest pieces on PARKS, along with Chris Pratt's Andy.
The show even knows how to pull Jim and Pam like heartstrings with the stalled progression between Andy and April. I've already forgotten about PB & J and have moved on to Anil Date. (AN and D from Andy Dwyer and IL and ATE from April Ludgate.)

I look forward to more high quality on both shows. What do you think? Do you agree with my assessment?

Are you there Devil? It's me Richard

Usually when you have time to romanticize about something for an extended period your expectations will be dashed when it comes to fruition. While this holds true about people, this reality is even more prevalent in the entertainment aspects of my life. I've been let down by the last Harry Potter book and all the movies. I felt betrayed by Judd Apatow's Funny People. Aaron Sorkin's short lived television show Studio 60 still hurts. That last example shouldn't really count, because it was a festering abomination that should be forgotten. But the problem with the first two was either that I had imagined something else or set an impossibly high standard for them to reach.
This happens all the time in television, as audiences gear up for finales and live in a culture that demands titillating scenes before every commercial break.
This is especially true when it comes to something people care deeply about, like LOST. Throughout the tenure of LOST there have been expectations that primarily have to do with answers. We've wanted a good answer about the smoke monster. Check. Wanted an answer about that coffin. Check. What do the numbers mean? Check minus. Are we going to see that volcano again? (spoiler alert) They're coming back to it. And oh yeah, what's the deal with Richard?
THat last question was the sole topic of last night's episode of LOST, titled Ab Aeterno, which wikipedia says means "from the everlasting."
Now if my reading of TUCK EVERLASTING taught me anything, it's that everlasting refers to people that never die, like Richard. As for the latin phraseology itself, that was a red herring used to distract from Richard's true back story.
Going into last night I thought we'd learn that Richard had been on this island a much longer time than he actually had been. I mean c'mon, he's not even 200 and he wants to kill himself? Well i guess Bill Murray tried to kill himself pretty early on in GROUNDHOG'S DAY, but in his defense, he was reliving the same day.
So Richard was basically a slave who got shipwrecked on the island in the 1860s, and everyone on the boat was either killed by the captain's sword or the Man in Black (MiB) in smoke form. Oh yeah, he also has commitment issues, in that he's way too committed to his wife (even in death). On the island Richard meets the MiB, who tells him they're in hell, which echoes what he'd said to Richard in his wife's form. To get out of hell, Richard just needs to kill the guy loitering by what was left of the statue. Don't let him talk though, because then it will be too late.
Well, Jacob/the Devil does talk and Richard fails to stab him. Jacob ends up confiding in Richard that he brought him to the island to prove that people won't always sin, and that the past doesn't matter. During this conversation Richard accepts the job of intermediary, which makes him the counterbalance to MiB's efforts. Richard's job post doesn't come with healthcare benefits, but he doesn't need them since Jacob makes him live forever.
Before Richard hands in his two-weeks notice to MiB he gives him the white stone that we presumably saw the Man in Locke (MiL) throw into the ocean. Then MiB tell Richard he'll spend the rest of his life trying to hire him. (Or maybe that was what Don Draper told Betty on Mad Men, but it was something like that.)
And that was it. Those were the answers to Richard's history on the island. (Or maybe it was his flashsideways???? Probably not.)
I think I was content with the answers. I would have accepted something more convoluted, but i'll accept it. The let down i'm feeling now was inevitable. I won't posit any of my ideas about how it could have been better, but i will critique the story as it unfolded.
My main problem was that I didn't care about Richard's story. I found Dogen's little drunk driving story more moving than Richard's quest to save his wife's live. The back story failed to make me care at all about what was going on, and if it wasn't for the fact that I love Richard then i wouldn't have felt anything at all. The episode doesn't get good until MiB shows up, at which point we get a better idea about Richard.
That's really what i wanted. An idea about what motivates Richard, and we almost got there when Jacob explained his task to Richard. Richard learns that MiB is trapped on the island, and him getting off means spreading darkness/hell all over the earth. Since Jacob won't step in to combat his efforts, Richard accepts the duty of containing the devil.
I think this is where the episode should have taken off from, as we could understand Richard on the island. This is a man who has faithfully done his duty for about 150 years because he believes in the importance of the task. Instead we waste too much time before that, and we don't get a good feel as to why he is so mad at Jacob. What we get is a poorly conceived love story that wouldn't hold a candle to Juliet and Sawyer, Sun and Jin or Tom and the guy in his hotel room.
What's really interesting are the idiots who were expecting some big reveal about how Richard kept living. Do these same people want to know the physics behind time travel? The real questions on LOST aren't the hows, but the whys. It's what motivates characters that people need to keep asking, and the show's failure to really illustrate Richard's rationale for his time on the island is what makes this episode disappointing.
In fact, after reasoning it out in a rational manner, I'd say this was not well done. After letting my hysterical madness subside, I think i can say that i'm unsatisfied and with good reason.
But there was other stuff on this episode, specifically the fun back and forth at the end between Jacob and MiB. Jacob calls the rock a gift, which cemented my belief that it really was a practical joke. More importantly we got further proof the idea that MiB just wants to leave and Jacob is the reason he can't.We also learned that Jacob is confident MiB can't just kill him, since a replacement will take his place.
Through all of this, i just kept thinking that box'o'wine would never break.
Anyway, there wasn't much to digest from this episode, except that Richard was reminded of his task concerning MiL, which he seemed to accept.
Also, i liked when Jack learned that some form of Locke was still alive. During season five he told Richard not to count him out, even though it appears he had given him up for dead. I wish i could tell season one Jack how right he was about the "Locke problem" he predicted.
That's all i've got for this episode, since i'm too depressed to keep mulling it over. Next week is called THE PACKAGE, and it's either about a dildo or whatever Jin brought into LAX in his flashsideways. Hopefully it's both.
Your thoughts on revelations about Richard?

The secret of Chuck must be exposed

NBC's third year action-comedy CHUCK has finally hit its stride, and when it's moving like this it is a pleasure to watch.
The CHUCK experience has evolved from an awkward novelty to a well balanced ensemble piece that provides the right amount of action, comedy and romance. And by romance i mean Brandon Routh's sex appeal and the will they/won't they tension between Chuck and Sarah.
I'm writing in defense of CHUCK to help spread the word for a show that is constantly under the threat of cancellation. Last year it took an aggressive campaign from ardent fans and some SUBWAY sponsoring to bring back CHUCK for a third season. Now they might actually need more viewers to make their decision, unless Hi-Roc Bowling wants to come on board as a sponsor.
In CHUCK's favor is the additional hours of programing that NBC has to fill since eliminating that awful comedy show with Jay Leno at ten.
But why should you watch Chuck?
1. CHUCK is funny. The cast at the Buy More represent a zany group of characters. They're what happened if you combined the BIG BANG guys with the most committed freaks on the Office and added a killer musical duo. The staff of the BUY MORE routinely take over the store, have cage fights and a male musical duo that was once described as: Sam Kinison and an Indian lesbian.
2. Agent Sarah Walker is hot. Like insanely hot.

right????
3. CHUCK has good action. Some network television shows try and fail when it comes to action. They rely on lame gimmicks or really bad CGI, since tv shows don't work with the same budgets of movies. CHUCK relies heavily on hand to hand combat, but every once in the while they pull out all the stops in a very successful execution. In between those episodes, they rely on fun little stunts like Sarah hiding underneath a car or utilizing the BUY MORE as a creative set for destruction.
4. This one is for the ladies and ab enthusiast. Devon is really hot.

He makes me feel funny...
5. Adam Baldwin's portrayal of Jon Casey. Remember when i said this show was funny? I didn't even begin to tell you about the gruff exterior of Casey, who Baldwin plays with a comedic genius that the serious cops in buddy comedies strive for and usually don't pull off. Plus, he provides a commentary on the Chuck and Sarah dynamic that sometimes voices the viewers complaints.
6. Stunt casting. CHUCK does a great job blending in characters for arcs on the show. Currently they're enjoying an extended from Brandon Routh, who fit in so well that he was asked to stay on. Even Scott Bakula fit in as Chuck's dad, as he captured Chuck's absent mindedness and still represented Chuck's potential as a spy. Chevy Case was great last season too, playing an evil rival of Chuck's dad. The show also does a great job of rolling in a horde of girls for Chuck, who aren't bad on the eyes.
7. The music on CHUCK is original and exciting. Many scenes are heavily augmented by the songs they utilize, which are usually old pop standards or unknown indie songs that i buy on itunes that day. I learned about Phantom Planet and Edward Sharpe through Chuck.
Anyway, I hope I convinced you to try CHUCK or at the very least turn your tvs onto NBC while it's on so the audience will increase. Look at this way: I watch way too much tv, and still find time for CHUCK. Couldn't you?

Maybe not Salvation, but it doesn't hurt.

This post isn't exactly timely, but since this movie focuses on time travel then I guess time is all relative.
TERMINATOR SALVATION represents the fourth installment in the Terminator franchise that began in the 80s with Linda Hamilton and the Governator and most recently gave us Arnold and the rise of the MACHINES! (That exclamation mark doesn't represent my excitement. It serves as an acknowledgment of the hilarious Late Night sketch with Conan O'Brien where the fake Arnold would say that line. It was amazing. CoCo. Sigh.)
SALVATION embraces the recent trend of dark action fantasy movies in a vein similar to DARK KNIGHT, with the notable exception being that the Terminator franchise has always possessed a bleak outlook. The end has always been near, and the characters have acted accordingly. What you end up with is something akin to MAD MAX or the Cormac MacCarthy's THE ROAD, which i think the Director referenced.
Speaking of the director, McG, he comes at this movie in true Michael Bay style, if Bay was trying to make an art house movie. Obviously those two ideas are contradictory, and the culmination is very uncomfortable. Particularly in the humanity that Christian Bale tries to bring to the movie as Jon Connors. Strangely enough, there is a little heart in the movie, which comes from Aussie Sam Worthington.
Worthington is more notorious for his role in the recent smash AVATAR, maybe you've heard of it, but i think he was sensational as the (spoiler alert) half man/half robot. For me, his performance stemmed from his eyes. They were very powerful and captivating. He carried his whole self in his eyes, with everything else resigned to being a muscle.
I loved the whole dystopia created for the movie. It was the promise we've been assured as TERMINATOR fans for about thirty years. THe final delivery was exciting and the realization was a little eerie too.
As for the robots, I was wowed by the seamless integration of these metal monsters into the real world. The visual effects are stunning, and never feel like computer graphics. I was really impressed by how realistic this world feels.
Finally, I was a big fan of Anton Yelchin as Kyle Reese. He doesn't exactly fit into this world, as he ultimately comes across as a bright eyed kid, but he still creates a character that is fun to watch. THis guy really had a great summer, with a role in Star Trek too.
So when i said finally, i was referring to the end of positive things to say about this movie. In this case I thought it would be easier to list the good things, because they were so few, then ramble on about my laundry list of reasons why it sucks.
For starters, Christian Bale is ridiculous in this movie. You'll notice i previously said Bale tries to bring humanity, except that he ends up just becoming some ridiculous caricature. He's General Patten on steroids. He's Roger Clemens on more steroids. He's as serious as a heart attack. So serious that he ends up needing a heart transplant (that and the piercing incident), which is conveniently resolved by some terrible foreshadowing.
Bale is so over the top he ends up down under, which is where he probably found Worthington, who as a robot has a fluctuating accent. I guess those early models had trouble with the voice modules, as Worthington fluctuates between an American accent and his native Australian.
Everything in this movie happens at a break neck speed and with development akin to STARSHIP TROOPERS, since both have the same level of dialogue.
Basically it's not a good movie. It stresses and breaks any strands of realism with its progression, as it operates in a realistic world where things unrealistically progress.
Bryce Dallas-Howard is useless. Common is average. Arnold's body double is great. While the Governator isn't in the movie, his face is! They had like a cast of his body or something, plus an actor and his face superimposed for a cameo. It's pretty cool, and the reveal is neat.

If you've seen any of the first three Terminator movies you're probably invested enough to see this movie. I love the mythology so i ate up some of this stuff, but it ends up just being a bad summer blockbuster. I'd recommend it for people who like this kind of stuff, and tell people who are just Bale or Worthington fans to stay away.

Dressed for Success

I want people to understand that I don't like White Collar. There are a few elements that are enjoyable, such as the bald sidekick, our protagonist's smile (I'm fine with my manhood) and the recurring con artist Alex. I'll get back to Alex in a second, but first i need to vent.
This show is insanely formulaic. It masquerades as something more than it is, yet in the end it's just another chirpy USA action-comedy. Since it's NY they just don't need sunglasses or shiny open collared shirts. They mix it up with white collars that have ties, but accessorize with trendy jackets and hats!
My problem, aside from this tired and overdone recreation, is that it's all too convenient. Much like an episode of Law & Order, the dominoes always fall for these guys. This is very frustrating, especially because this show presents a very interesting premise and has two excellent leads. Neil is amazing suave, possessing more charm than Michael Westin, and the cop guy has a bit of a dark side to him. Unfortunately we get it like Campbell's chicken noodle soup, condensed, and it ends up lacking flavor.
That is except in the finale. In the finale Neil is offered a chance at everything he's wanted since leaving prison, which is his ex-gf and his freedom. This in itself isn't compelling, but the role Alex plays in aiding his cause is extremely watchable.
Alex is a morally corrupt lady who is smart, sexy and sinister. She may be in a man's world, but she writes her own rules (What a corny and terrible tagline I just wrote). It's true, though, as played by Gloria Votsis we get to see some of the grey area that belongs on cable television. Votsis plays Alex by constantly teasing Neal (I changed his spelling because he's a con man, and this is indicative of how he'd use an alias) and the audience with her full potential.
What i mean is that she always appears to be holding back, like she knows something we don't know and we think we need to know it. Plus, she's easy on the eyes, and we're left hoping she won't hold back there either. In particular her flirting with Kneel (there it is again! Sneaky) is well written, but only possible by the chemistry that Alex initiates. She is the flame that sets all the dormant agents on this show ablaze. And it's fun to watch it burn.
(spoiler alert) Speaking of burning, it was fun to watch Kate die. Kate is Gneil's ex and she is the bane of my existence. I can't stand her and find her extremely annoying. Not a problem anymore, as she was in a plane that blew up. An impressive move by the show, which showed that it may actually have some guts.
I like where the show is now heading, with the possibility of a larger conspiracy and a void in the love life that could be filled by Alex.
For now I'd say i'm cautiously optimistic about White Collar's future.

THE PACIFIC: Not just an ocean documentary anymore

First of all, let me apologize for my recent absence and general lack of attentiveness to my blog. There's no excuse for my lack of updates, except the fact that i've been assuming tons of content to critique for the blog. It's a viscous cycle, yet i will proudly and bravely accept that task.
Speaking of bravery, I'm two installments into HBO's "event" program, THE PACIFIC...
(Editor's Note: We do not endorse this shameless transition. Dave is not brave and the only thing he could kill is a plate of doughnuts. Dave is hardly stoic, as the only thing he'd stand up for is a fast food line. Basically he sucks, and this transition sucks. Here's to hoping the rest of this isn't mindless crap. Personally, I'd just skip to the end to see if it finishes well, because that's the only way to really know)
The PACIFIC is the baby of Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks, who previously teamed up for Band of Brothers on HBO. Band focused on the journey of a single company from D-Day to VE-Day in the European theater. That ten-part series was broken down into traditional episodes with easily discernible conflicts and understandable resolutions, which created self-contained episodes. Granted, there was evolution of characters, but the episodes were pretty traditional.
The PACIFIC doesn't fit this mold as well. The second episode definitely represents something we've seen before, as the marine on Guadalcanal are given an impossible task and the episode ends with them completing that task. The first episode isn't as cut and dry, with it's overall feel seeming more representative of the ill-fated calm before the big storm that was episode two.
THE PACIFIC is a beautiful show, with the scenery taking front stage as a major player in the events. At night it lacks this pizazz, but during the day when soldiers are trekking through the woods or basking the sun you get to see the critical role of the island.
Part of the challenge for this "event" is the capturing the large scope of the engagement they're covering and the fact that it is a relatively unknown area of our history. People don't have a feel for the tiny series of islands the Japanese conquered and we hopped to one after another. I know I only had a cursory knowledge of this conflict, and I had a history minor.
Only in the beginning of THE PACIFIC did i grasp the large feel of the fight against Japan, but since then the purview has become extremely narrow as we follow a few marines trying to hold a runway. This results in no real understanding of the larger picture because we're denied context. We see our marines with one or two outside forces, and that's it.
I have no idea how many people are on this island or the ramifications of what's going on. This problem speaks to the failure of the openings, which are narrated by Tom Hanks and are supposed to provide context. Unfortunately, they only end up giving us a taste of what our characters were thinking. What i really would like, in addition to that, is a bit of a history lesson about what we saw and will see. THat's the only way to really appreciate this "event."
As for the show itself, it is simply exceptional. It doesn't approach the dynamic of BAND, but it doesn't need to. BAND was basically jocular in nature and a fun romp compared to the PACIFIC experience. Much of this stems from the bleakness of the Asian front, as it seemed like life and death was simply a game of chance. THis point is illustrated very clearly in the PACIFIC, and i imaging this randomness wore on people and made it hard to establish the kind of bonds that make BAND so much fun to watch.
While not embracing the banter of BAND, the actors on the PACIFIC do excel at their own style, which seems to focus on retaining their vanishing humanity. I'd like to single out great performances, but the problem is that some of the characters blend together and I've only learned the name of one guy (Eugene), who hasn't even joined the fighting yet.
My early standouts are the emotional writing guy, the John Wayne talking guy, the guy who played the catcher in The Rookie, the dumb wise guy and Old Faithful (a nickname earned when the marine can't stop pooping). These guys are all captivating and addicting.
Not sure what else to say, except that I look forward to the show each week. Although, I should add, that i never have any idea what happened 2 hours after an episode is done. The whole event blends together, which may or may not be a good thing. THat could speak to the pacing of the show, which is surprisingly quick.
Ok, that's all i got. Dive into the Pacific.